I learned this method of affirming a short time ago and it is truly powerful! Instead of making a statement, ask a question about something as though it has already happened and your unconscious mind will search for the answer.
So often in our sometimes vain attempts to be loving, caring and compassionate, we take on other peoples’ traumas and dramas which leave us less available to ourselves and those who are truly willing to heal, to grow, to become more.
Although in a professional setting you may have acute awareness of your own boundaries, do they get a little blurred in your personal relationships? Do you ever find that after having coffee with that friend you haven’t seen in some time that you leave feeling a little less alive than you did before the meeting? Do you ever catch yourself with thoughts like, “I really should ring so and so” yet find you resist picking up the phone and are not sure why? The world is full of trauma and drama and invitations to leave ourselves, invitations we may take up more than we’d like to acknowledge. How do you protect yourself and your energy from dissipating into a cesspit of other peoples’ seemingly unresolvable problems so that you can be fully available to yourself, your family, your clients, your projects or whatever is truly important in your life?
One way is to detach with love; sometimes it may be the only way. It’s easy to get caught in the trap of desiring to help another and yet being powerless to do so. Each person must make the decision about whether they’re ready or not to make the change they need to make in order to arrive at a solution to their problems. Many are not. They’re happy to hold to their position, along with their misery, and to justify this in some way, which they’re often masters at doing. The cost of your commiseration and collaboration with their perspective could be your own aliveness, your own life.
It’s good from time to time to take a long hard look at your own relationships from the intimate to the casual and ask yourself, “Is there anything in this relationship that drains my energy?” If there is, you may find that by bringing this knowledge into conscious awareness you can use the information to explore with the other how you may make beneficial changes to the relationship. This can phenomenally enrich both your lives. You may also arrive at a point where it’s clear that the only option that’s available to you for the sake of your own sanity is to detach with love. If you find you’re in a situation where this may be true for you, try asking the question, “Why did I find it so easy to detach with love?” And let go of trying to answer it!
It took me a long time to get to this point where I feel at a deep level that detaching with love is not only ok but may be the most compassionate response in some situations. I often wonder if that’s the remnants of an Irish catholic upbringing in which one was encouraged to feel responsible for things completely outside one’s control or is there an element of this that’s universal. What do you think?